New mums go through many challenges during their pregnancy journey and motherhood. After bearing a child and the painful experience of giving birth, mothers need to face another new set of challenges, including lack of sleep, breast pain from nursing, and the need for social support.
On top of that, many women may experience rapid changes in their hormone levels that may trigger a type of clinical depression often related to childbirth or pregnancy. This is popularly known as postnatal depression. (1)
What is postnatal depression?
Postnatal depression is a clinical depression type that may occur after childbirth. Moreover, women with postnatal depression may experience rapid hormonal changes, guilt, anxiety, hopelessness, emotional highs and lows, and frequent crying. Generally, this type of depression occurs during the baby’s first year, and the symptoms may show within two to three weeks after the baby’s birth. (2)
Although becoming a mother can be an exciting adventure, the challenges motherhood poses can also be tiring and overwhelming. Some may feel doubtful or anxious, especially if they’re a first-time parent. When these feelings of anxiousness, sadness, and guilt persist, they may be diagnosed as postnatal depression. (2)
Women's perinatal mental health - everyone should take it seriously
Many women experiencing perinatal (the weeks immediately preceding and following birth) mental health issues don’t come forward to talk about their symptoms or feelings. They may mask their feelings with statements like, ‘I’m feeling exhausted,’ ‘I don’t feel right,’ or ‘I feel overwhelmed.’
When you hear a new parent saying statements within these lines, you may need to take it seriously, as they may be indicative of perinatal mental health issues. One option is to refer them to a post natal depression support helpline to let them know that help will always be available and that they’re never alone. (2)
Other symptoms of postnatal depression include:
- Changes in appetite
- Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping
- Excessive worrying or anxiety around the baby, or lack of interest in the baby
- Crying for no reason
- Loss of motivation or low energy
- Thoughts of hurting or not wanting the baby
These symptoms may affect the person’s ability to function, let alone cater to the needs and demands of the baby.
How to help someone with postnatal depression
Whether you’re the person’s partner, spouse, or parent, there are a number of things you can do to help someone experiencing postnatal depression:
1. Listen to their feelings
Women with PND may feel guilty, sad, alone or frustrated about their disposition. Some may even feel like they’re the worst mother in the world. You should never try to dismiss or ignore these feelings, but instead be there for them by listening to their feelings and thoughts without criticism or judgment.
Furthermore, when they open up about their situation, never compare them to other mothers, even if you are one. Saying things that suggest comparison may make it harder for them to overcome PND and amplify their feelings of shame and guilt. (3)
Some statements to avoid saying are:
- ‘When I gave birth, I did this.’
- ‘When she gave birth, she didn’t do this.’
- ‘If you do this, you’ll feel better like me.’
- ‘The other mothers have worse situations than you.’
When they see that you’re genuinely listening and you’re not invalidating or comparing their emotions to others, the easier it’ll be for them to trust you, feel safe with you and listen to you when you recommend they seek professional treatment.
You may recommend that they get professional help and guidance from helpline services like ForWhen or other mental health services, in the case you see changes in their daily lifestyle, or hear them talk about hopelessness and exhaustion. These mental health helpline services can offer support and guidance to women with PND and connect them to the right specialist to help them with treatment if needed. (2) (3)
2. Offer to accompany them to the doctor’s appointments
Once a person experiencing postnatal depression has agreed to see a doctor or a therapist, volunteer to accompany her to her doctor’s appointments and be their advocate. You can help them stay on track with their medications, follow-up check-ups and other treatments recommended by their doctor. You can also research on their behalf about mummy support groups available in the community. Joining with other mothers going through the same situation may make them feel more understood and less alone.
3. Frequently check up on them, not the baby
It’s common for new mums to get plenty of visits from their friends and family, especially after giving birth, as these people are excited to meet and interact with the newborn. Unfortunately, these interactions might worsen their loneliness and depression and make them feel unheard. (2)
As a partner, family member or friend, you can help a person experiencing PND lessen their risk of feeling lonely or depressed by limiting the number of visitors. If they claim that they are ready to entertain visitors, remind said visitors to also check up on the new mother, not only on the baby. Being talked to, valued, or simply thought of may make a person with PND feel heard and show them that they’re not alone. (4)
4. Gift vouchers or practical support
While you may have good intentions in asking a person about what you can do to help them, the feeling may not be the same for the mother. Offering help may exacerbate their feelings of guilt or anxiety as they think that they are unable to properly parent without people having to help. Avoid asking them questions about what you can do to help, and instead make specific plans and perform them unasked. One way to do this is by giving the gift of respite care. This could be in the form of babysitting, or even paying for professional services in advance. (3)
When it comes to gifting, remember that parents with PND or anxiety can often feel guilty that they're not doing a ‘good enough job' as a parent. When you give them a chance to focus on their own wellbeing – whether it's through a gift voucher for a spa day or simply some extra cash to spend as they please – you're enabling them to take care of themselves without any added guilt. In addition, they can choose to enjoy this time alone or with you.
5. Reassure her and celebrate her successes
There are some instances in which the mother may manage to perform regular parenting tasks – such as bathing the baby, putting the baby to sleep, or making breakfast for the first time in a while – yet there’s still the feeling of emptiness and a lack of interest. This is another symptom of postnatal depression ; when small achievements won’t impact the mother’s feelings. Make sure to find ways to celebrate with them and praise them for their efforts. (4)
If there are moments when the mother feels worthless or not fit for the role of being a parent, reassure them that they’re a good mother. You can also remind them of what they have accomplished and the successes you’ve celebrated together. This type of reassurance can significantly help them with postnatal depression. (4)
6. Know the signs for when to refer them to a health professional
If they have been feeling scared or down, or feeling perinatal anxiety it is important to reach out to a GP or mental health professional.
A GP can put together a Mental Health Care Plan (MHCP) - a system that allows anyone with a valid Medicare card to access a number of government subsidised appointments with a mental health professional. This means that all appointments under the MHCP will be bulk billed.
How does PND affect family and friends?
PND can affect anyone around the person who has the condition. The person with PND may withdraw from family and friends or have mood swings which can be confusing or difficult to deal with or understand. It is natural for the person to not be themselves, but if this change in behaviour continues to become worse, it may be indicative of a more extensive problem.
A mother with PND may have to take time off work for physical health, or for the care of the child. If a mother is absent due to PND, the workload and responsibilities may be overwhelming for them. It's important to be there to offer the respite support needed, whether that's physical or emotional.
Professional support networks
Google has become the best friend of new mums, but it can be easy to become deluged in information quickly. Searching one simple topic can bury you under thousands of websites and articles which can send a sleep deprived or stressed mind into a spin. It is recommended to seek advice from trusted sources such as these:
Australian Support Websites
- http://karitane.com.au
- https://forwhenhelpline.org.au/
- http://raisingchildren.net.au
- https://panda.org.au/
Australian Helplines
- ForWhen - 1300 24 23 22
- Karitane Careline - 1300 CARING (1300 227 464)
- Lifeline Australia - 13 11 14
If you, or someone you care about is experiencing postnatal depression, it’s important to get the help you need. Schedule an appointment to see a doctor for advice, referral or to have a Mental Health Care Plan formulated.
The fastest and easiest way to search for and book healthcare appointments online is at myhealth1st.com.au
References:
- “Challenges Faced By New Mothers In The Early Postpartum Period: An Analysis Of Comment Data From The 2000 Pregnancy Risk Assessment Monitoring System (PRAMS) Survey”, Source: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17562155/
- “What Is Postpartum Depression”, Source: https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/postpartum-depression
- “Postpartum Depression”, Source: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9312-postpartum-depression
- “Advice For Partners And Families: Postnatal Depression”, Source: https://www2.hse.ie/conditions/mental-health/postnatal-depression/advice-for-partners-and-families.html